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How to Update Your Internal System by Embracing Self Energy and Curiosity
- Tamar Kipnis
- Jan 18
- 4 min read
Many people wonder how to update their internal system—the complex inner world made up of different parts that shape how we think, feel, and respond. These parts include those that manage daily life, those that jump in to handle emergencies, and those that carry pain from past experiences. None of these parts are broken or pathological. Instead, they are adaptive strategies developed over time, even if they no longer serve us well. At the heart of this system lies what is called Self energy. This energy connects with all parts, not by fighting them, but by bringing curiosity, clarity, and the ability to update old, threat-based rules.
This post explores how you can begin updating your internal system by embracing Self energy and curiosity, helping you move from survival mode to a place of safety and growth.
Understanding Your Internal System and Its Parts
Your internal system is like a team of different voices or parts inside you. Each part has a role:
Manager parts try to keep everything under control and prevent problems.
Firefighter parts jump in during emotional crises to soothe or distract from pain.
Exile parts hold onto past wounds and painful memories.
These parts developed to protect you. For example, a firefighter part might distract you with anger or avoidance when you feel vulnerable. While these strategies helped you survive difficult times, they may now cause stress or conflict.
Recognizing that these parts are adaptive rather than broken is the first step. They are trying to help, even if their methods feel outdated or harmful.
What Is Self Energy and Why It Matters
At the center of your internal system is Self energy. This is a calm, compassionate, and curious presence that can relate to all parts without judgment or conflict. Self energy is not a part itself but the core of your being that can observe and interact with parts in a healing way.
Self energy brings:
Curiosity to understand what each part needs and fears.
Clarity to see the bigger picture beyond old patterns.
Calmness to soothe parts stuck in threat responses.
Confidence to update the system with new, safer rules.
When Self energy leads, your internal system can shift from reacting out of fear to responding with awareness and balance.
How Curiosity Begins the Update Process
Curiosity is the key to updating your internal system. Instead of pushing parts away or trying to fix them, curiosity invites you to explore them gently.
Here’s how curiosity helps:
It reduces fear by replacing judgment with interest.
It builds trust between Self energy and protective parts.
It uncovers needs behind behaviors, such as safety or connection.
It opens space for new ways of relating and responding.
For example, if a manager part is controlling and anxious, curiosity might ask: “What are you trying to protect me from? How can I help you feel safer?” This approach invites cooperation rather than conflict.
Practical Steps to Embrace Self Energy and Curiosity
Updating your internal system takes practice. Here are some steps to guide you:
1. Notice Your Parts
Start by observing your thoughts, feelings, and reactions. Identify different parts by their tone or role. You might notice a critical voice, a fearful feeling, or a protective urge.
2. Connect with Self Energy
Find a calm, grounded place inside yourself. This might feel like a quiet observer or a compassionate presence. You can practice this through mindfulness, deep breathing, or guided meditation.
3. Approach Parts with Curiosity
Ask gentle questions to your parts:
What are you feeling right now?
What do you need from me?
How long have you been trying to protect me?
What would make you feel safer?
Listen without trying to change or fix them immediately.
4. Validate and Thank Your Parts
Acknowledge the effort each part makes to keep you safe. Thank them for their hard work, even if their methods feel outdated.
5. Introduce New, Safer Messages
Once parts feel heard and safe, you can gently offer new perspectives. For example, “I’m here now, and I can keep us safe. You don’t have to work so hard.”
6. Practice Regularly
Updating your internal system is ongoing. Regular check-ins with your parts and Self energy help maintain balance and growth.
Examples of Updating Internal Systems
Example 1: Managing Anxiety
A person notices a part that worries constantly about the future. Instead of pushing it away, they connect with Self energy and ask the part what it fears. The part reveals it wants to prevent harm. The person thanks the part and reassures it that they have tools to handle challenges. Over time, the worry lessens.
Example 2: Healing from Past Trauma
Someone has a part that carries shame from childhood. They approach this exile part with curiosity and compassion, allowing it to express pain. Self energy offers comfort and safety. The part begins to release old burdens and integrates more peacefully into the system.
Why Nothing Is Broken Inside You
It’s common to feel broken or flawed when parts act out or cause distress. This perspective can increase shame and isolation. Instead, understanding that your system is adaptive changes the story.
Your parts developed to protect you in difficult times. They are not enemies but allies with outdated strategies. The system just hasn’t received the message that it’s safer now.
By bringing Self energy and curiosity, you send that message clearly. You help your system update its rules and find new ways to keep you safe and whole.
Moving Forward with Compassion and Patience
Updating your internal system is a journey, not a quick fix. It requires patience, kindness, and practice. Some parts may resist at first, fearing change. Others may surprise you with their resilience and willingness to grow.
Remember these points:
Be gentle with yourself and your parts.
Celebrate small shifts and moments of connection.
Seek support if needed, such as therapy or coaching.
Use curiosity as a daily tool to explore your inner world.
Your internal system holds the key to your well-being. By embracing Self energy and curiosity, you can update old patterns and create a more peaceful, balanced inner life. This process helps you live with greater clarity, safety, and connection to yourself.